A winning business understands that to gain a customer it must first be willing to lose a customer.

Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to do whatever it takes to not lose a customer. To always say YES to customers. To always kowtow to the whims of customers. That’s unfortunate because winning companies [...]]]> “Sacrifice” by John More in Seth Godin’s “What Matters Now”

A winning business understands that to gain a customer
it must first be willing to lose a customer.

Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to do whatever
it takes to not lose a customer. To always say YES to
customers. To always kowtow to the whims of
customers. That’s unfortunate because winning
companies are willing to sacrifice losing customers to
win customers.

American Apparel wins customers by losing customers.
Its provocative advertising and strong stance on political
issues offends some consumers. American Apparel
sacrifices appealing to everybody to only appeal to select
somebodies who appreciate the brand’s unique
personality.

Costco wins customers by losing customers. Its
membership model shuns consumers not willing to pay
the yearly membership fee. Its broad but shallow
merchandise mix turns off consumers wanting more
choices. Costco makes deliberate sacrifices because its
customers will also make deliberate sacrifices in
exchange for lower prices.

Winning businesses have a common trait, an obvious
and divisive point of view. Losing businesses also have a
common trait, a boring personality alienating no one
and thus, sparking passion from no one.

Is your business designed to be a winning business? Is
your business willing to sacrifice losing customers to
win customers?

A troubled teenager named Bobby was sent to see his high-school counselor, John Murphy. Bobby had been in trouble so many times that he was in danger of being shipped off to a special facility for kids with behavioral problems.

Most counselors would have discussed Bobby’s problems with him, [...]]]> By Chip and Dan Heath from Seth Godin’s “What Matters Now”

A troubled teenager named Bobby was sent to see
his high-school counselor, John Murphy. Bobby
had been in trouble so many times that he was in
danger of being shipped off to a special facility for
kids with behavioral problems.

Most counselors would have discussed Bobby’s
problems with him, but Murphy didn’t.
MURPHY: Bobby, are there classes where you don’t get in
trouble?

BOBBY: I don’t get in trouble much in Ms. Smith’s class.
MURPHY: What’s different about Ms. Smith’s class?
Soon Murphy had some concrete answers: 1. Ms.
Smith greeted him at the door. 2. She checked to
make sure he understood his assignments. 3. She
gave him easier work to complete. (His other
teachers did none of the three.)

Now Murphy had a roadmap for change. He
advised Bobby’s other teachers to try these three
techniques. And suddenly, Bobby started behaving
better.

We’re wired to focus on what’s not working. But
Murphy asked, “What IS working, today, and how
can we do more of it?”

You’re probably trying to change things at home or
at work. Stop agonizing about what’s not working.
Instead, ask yourself, “What’s working well, right
now, and how can I do more of it?”

Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an “Outlier.” He is, of course, right. My mother says practice makes perfect. She is, of course, right. A billionaire friend once told me to read one of the best stories on successful living, e Tortoise and the Hare. [...]]]> By Dave Ramsey from Seth Godin’s “What Matters Now”

Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an “Outlier.” He is, of
course, right. My mother says practice makes perfect. She is, of course, right. A billionaire
friend once told me to read one of the best stories on successful living, e Tortoise and
the Hare. He says, “Every time I read that book, the tortoise wins. Slow and steady wins
the race.” He is, of course, right.

Whether it is branding or wealth building, I call it The Momentum Theorem.

Fi/T (G) = M

FOCUSED INTENSITY over TIME multiplied by GOD equals Unstoppable Momentum.
Not many people in our A.D.D. culture can stay FOCUSED, but those who can
are on their way to winning. Add to the focus some serious pull-your-shirt-off-and-paint-
yourself-blue-at-the-football-game INTENSITY, and now you have a person
who is a difference-maker. But very few companies or people can maintain that
FOCUSED INTENSITY over TIME. It takes time to be great, it takes time to create
critical mass, it takes time to be an “overnight success.” Lastly, you and I are finite, while
GOD is infinite. So, multiply your efforts through Him and watch the areas of your life
move toward winning like never before.

A mother bemoans to her teenage daughter, “We never spend any time together. You’re always out with your friends.” The daughter snickers as she [...]]]> An Issues Clearing Model for Better Communication

“You don’t understand me!” a wife screams at her husband. “How can I possibly understand you?” shouts the husband. “You’re not making any sense!!”

A mother bemoans to her teenage daughter, “We never spend any time together. You’re always out with your friends.” The daughter snickers as she walks out the door, “Yeah, well at least I have a life.”

The CEO sits at his desk and stares down the VP of Sales, “You’re not hitting your numbers. You’ve got one more month or else!” To which the VP of Sales retorts, “If you’d stop burdening me with customer service issues, I’d have time to make my calls!”

It’s easy to empathize with the tension, finger-pointing, and emotion in these examples. They are all-too-common instances that occur when two people in a relationship get stuck in their communication. Several years ago I was taught a method to clear any issue I’m having with my important relationships. This method helps prevent and shift relationships stuck in pain, suffering, and misunderstanding into ones that revel in ease, joy, and empathy. Since first learning this approach, I’ve field-tested it in a wide range of circumstances including:

• Preventing arguments and enhancing intimacy with my lover
• Improving communication with my eight year-old daughter
• Clearing issues with my business partner
• Facilitating a group of CEOs

I can say that the method works in all of these circumstances, and often remarkably well, so I thought you might benefit by learning it too.

What It Is

A mentor of mine, Jim Warner of On Course International, created the method called the Issues Clearing Model. It provides a structured format to clear just about any issue. In my own view, the Issues Clearing Model is designed to accomplish two things: help you be responsible in your communication and help you reflect emotion rather than negotiate with emotion.

I’ll explain more about both of these items – Responsibility and Reflection – in a bit, but before you read any further, download and print two copies of the Issues Clearing Model and use it to follow along. It’s a good idea to print two copies because you’ll want to practice the Issues Clearing Model with someone and you’ll need a cheat sheet at first to guide you through the process.

How to Use It

The Issues Clearing Model is one of those things that seem challenging at first and get easy after a few tries. Perhaps the biggest challenge is to summon the initial courage to communicate in a new way. As you’ll see, when you try it, that it’s worth it.

The Issues Clearing Model is designed to be used by both people in the relationship. The person with the issue starts and states the facts, their story, feelings and responsibilities, and what they specificaly want to have occur. The other person listens and then reflects back to ensure mutual understanding. At the end, if needed, the parties can switch roles and the person who brought the issue forward now listens and reflects back.

Although the process is designed to be used by two people, I’ve also found it an effective practice even if the other person isn’t comfortable participating with me. That is, I use it to structure my own communication. The other person is usually better able to hear me and tends to respond more openly and receptively, even without reciprocating the exercise.

For example, my eight year-old daughter isn’t at an age where she can comfortably engage in reflection. But when I express my issues in an appropriate way using the first part of the Issues Clearing Model, we both still benefit. Why? I’m speaking in a Responsible way and I’m appropriately Reflecting my own emotions without blaming or shaming or “shoulding” her.

In the same vein, your boss may not have the desire to engage in a structured two-way communication (in fact, he may be less mature than Alexa, my eight year-old). But don’t let the notion of “my boss or my wife would never agree to this” stop you from taking responsibility for your own communication. You’ll be surprised at how the other responds and, as they get more comfortable, they may be open to participating as well.

Why Use It

We all want to experience harmonious relationships with those closest to us – our mates, parents, relatives, siblings, children, friends, and our colleagues at work. But more often than not, just like the examples above, poor communication can derail our closest relationships.

You are an effective communicator when you tend to always follow two simple rules in your communication:

1) You are Responsible in your communication.
2) You Reflect emotion and never negotiate with emotion.

When you follow these two rules, Responsibility and Reflection, your communication with those closest to you naturally improves as well. You can help prevent issues from emerging and have the power to clear them when they do emerge.

To be Responsible means that you take ownership for the issue and your reaction to it. You speak in unarguable truths and “I” statements. Not in unclear truths and “You” statements that make the other person feel blamed, shamed, and misunderstood.

To be Reflective means that you honor the other’s right to feel what he or she is really feeling. To be Reflective also means reflecting on your own emotions, the story you’re creating, your own part in the issue, and what positive specific outcome you desire.

Negotiating with emotions, on the other hand, implies that whatever you or someone else are feeling is not acceptable. To negotiate with emotions is a bad practice all around. It causes pain and suffering, and builds a brittle wall in your relationships. To be Reflective with emotions means that you honor and acknowledge what you and the other person are feeling, but you don’t take on their emotions as your own, nor do you try to get the other person to stop feeling their emotions. You just reflect them.

Reflecting emotions, rather than negotiating them, is also a recognition of responsibility. Who is ultimately responsible for what you are feeling? You are. Who is ultimately responsible for what others are feeling? They are.

Often we negotiate with emotion in others because it’s too hard to deal with it in ourselves. For example, for a long time, if the woman in my life was feeling down or depressed, I would feel responsible and try to “fix” it. If I couldn’t fix it, I’d start to feel like I was failing and so I’d withdraw into myself. This resulted in her feeling more depressed and soon led to a vicious cycle where both of us felt hurt and abandoned by the other.

As I became more aware, I realized that I’m not at all responsible for how someone else is feeling. At the same time, I am 100% responsible for my own feelings. Just because my woman is feeling down doesn’t mean I’m failing as a partner, right? It’s always obvious in hindsight. And that rather than fixing a problem, I am a better partner by simply hearing her, empathizing, and accepting what she is feeling.

So don’t negotiate with someone’s emotions. When you do, it contributes to the other person’s feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or belittled in relationship to you. Instead, be Responsible and Reflective.

When to Use It

As a general rule of thumb, use this model any time you’re feeling negative emotions or judgments arise or believe they might arise. When you notice a rise in negative emotions occurring, stop the conversation, and start the Issues Clearing Model. If you’re dealing with a very emotionally charged issue, you’ll want to work with a coach, facilitator, or therapist.

Do use it when you’re giving constructive feedback and advice. It’s a powerful way to consciously separate yourself from what’s a fact and what’s a story. It also encourages you to examine your own part and get clear about what it is you really want the other person to change or do differently. When you give feedback or advice in this responsible and reflective way, you’ll find that other people are much more receptive rather than defensive.

When Not to Use It

Don’t use the Issue Clearing Model when the other person has no interest in being in a harmonious relationship with you. Relationships are a two-way street – if yours is only one-way, do yourself a favor and let the relationship go gracefully. However, often we can perceive that someone has zero interest in being in a harmonious relationship with us when, in actuality, that person is feeling shut down and hurt because we have been negotiating with their emotions rather than reflecting them. So give the Issues Clearing Model a real try before deciding what to do with your relationships.

Don’t use the Issue Clearing Model when you’re in a crisis or under tremendous time pressure. It’s not something you just speed through, rip off, and be done with it. You need to be in a space to really hear and empathize with yourself and the other person. Come back to the Issues Clearing Model when you have more time.

Summary

Relationships can be a source of great joy, laughter, and ease. They can also be a great pain in the neck and rife with fear, frustration, and loneliness. If you want to have safe, harmonious and productive relationships at home and work, you need to do two things: Always speak Responsibly and always Reflect emotion. It takes some courage and practice to become proficient with the Issues Clearing Model, but once you make the commitment, you’ll have access to a simple way to create happier, easier, and more productive relationships all around you.

The program is called “The Growth Curve Incubator” and it’s designed to increase business growth in 90 days and at the same time, equip the entrepreneur with tools and perspective to live a more fulfilling life.

PROGRAM BENEFITS - Customized to your [...]]]> I’m committed to coach six Internet entrepreneurs this quarter and
help them radically grow their business with a new program.

The program is called “The Growth Curve Incubator” and it’s
designed to increase business growth in 90 days and at the same
time, equip the entrepreneur with tools and perspective to live a
more fulfilling life.

PROGRAM BENEFITS
- Customized to your particular situation
- High-touch service – executive-level one-on-one coaching format
- Guaranteed to produce the results you want

PROGRAM QUALIFICATIONS
- You have an existing Internet business capable of generating $10M
or more per year
- You have outstanding follow through and commitment to your goals
- You want more out of life (Your business is not a goal; it’s a
means to live the quality of life you want to live)

WHY I’M AN EXTRAORDINARY COACH
My passion for coaching comes from my own experience as an
entrepreneur as well as my training in several next-generation
change modalities. As an entrepreneur myself, I’ve led the
development of two multi-million dollar companies, each driving
more than 1,000% growth per year over a 3- to 4-year period. I’ve
raised over $50M in growth capital. I’ve led teams of 50 to 150
people. I use my own methodology that I’ve created over the past
five years which combines leading edge theory with real world
application. Why do I coach? I coach because I love to work with
extraordinary people and share what I’ve found useful and true.

LEARN MORE
If you or someone you know qualifies and you’re ready to grow your
business, then just email lex@sisney.com and
we’ll schedule an exploratory call. It’s as simple as that.

To your success,

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful”. Boy, no pressure there. But let’s begin with the startling part. [...]]]> The Unforgettable Commencement Address to the Class of 2009,
University of Portland, 2009
By Paul Hawken

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple
short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean,
shivering, startling, and graceful”. Boy, no pressure there. But let’s
begin with the startling part. Hey, Class of 2009: you are going to have to
figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every
living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind
of a mind-boggling situation – but not one peer-reviewed paper published in
the last thirty years can refute that statement.

Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers,
and we need it within a few decades. This planet came with a set of operating
instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them.

Important rules–like don’t poison the water,soil, or air, and don’t let the earth get
overcrowded, and don’t touch the thermostat —have been broken.
Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed
that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a
million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach,
and really good food – but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and
in case you didn’t bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says:
YOU ARE BRILLIANT, AND THE EARTH IS HIRING. The earth couldn’t
afford to send any recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets,
ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person
you are dating. Take the hint. And here’s the deal: Forget that this task
of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don’t be put off by
people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done,
and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is
always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth
and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand data. But if you meet the
people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and
you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse. What I see everywhere in
the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and
incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and
beauty to this world.

The poet Adrienne Rich wrote, “So much has been destroyed I have cast
my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power,
reconstitute the world. ” There could be no better description. Humanity is
coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in
schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps,
deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and
organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate
change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human
rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen.
Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives
to disperse concentrations of power.

Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done.
Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement.
It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in
the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of
teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers,
nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students,
incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors
without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the
United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say,
the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the
Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true.
Inspirationis not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides
in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover,
re-imagine, and reconsider. “One day you finally knew what you had to do,
and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice,” is
Mary Oliver’s description of moving away from the profane toward a deep
sense of connectedness to the living world.

Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news
is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious,
even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were
the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights
of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance
except on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely
unknown – Granville Clark, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood – and their goal
was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in
the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had
done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity.
Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals,
progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they
would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty. But for the first
time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they
would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect
benefit. . And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is
called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship,
and non-governmental organizations, of companies who place social and
environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals.

Thescope and scale of this effort is unparalleled in history. The living
world is not “out there” somewhere, but in your heart. What do we know
about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the
conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a
future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people
and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed
bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets. Think
about this: we are the only species on this planet without full employment.
Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy
earth in real time than to renew, restore, and sustain it.

You can print money to bail out a bank but you can’t print life to bail out a
planet. At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling
it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is
based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can either create
assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called
restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth
we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not
a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago,
and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are
breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother
Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable.
We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells.
In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells.
Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would
perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions
of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human
body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with
twenty-four zeros after it.

In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes
than there are stars in the universe – exactly what Charles Darwin foretold
when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little
universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably
minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven. ”

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop
for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on
simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it,
and wonder instead when this speech will end. Second question: who is in
charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a
political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life
inside you, just as in all of nature. What I want you to imagine is that
collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to
heal the wounds and insults of the past.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only
came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course.
The world would become religious overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious,
made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead the stars come out every night,
and we watch television. This extraordinary time when we are globally aware
of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened,
not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex
and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and
we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation.

You are graduating to the most amazing, challenging, stupefying challenge ever
bequested to any generation. The generations before you failed. They
didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact
that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you
to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most
unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hopefulness
only makes sense when it doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your
century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paul Hawken is a renowned entrepreneur, visionary environmental activist,
and author of many books, most recently Blessed Unrest: How the Largest
Movement in the World Came into Being and Why No One Saw It Coming.
He was presented with an honorary doctorate of humane letters by University
president Father Bill Beauchamp, C. S.C., in May, when he delivered this
superb speech.