1) Any Meditation or Reflection Practice is a Good One
I’m not promoting any one style of meditation or reflection over the other. Personally, I’ve been certified in about a dozen styles of meditation and reflection practices and I teach several. I can say with some conviction that the right practice is any practice as long as you use it. There’s no need to get caught up in searching for new ancient wisdom or the next breakthrough tool that will finally help you sit down and do it. The tools you already have, or could pick up quite easily from training, are likely perfect for you – if you actually use them.

2) Consistent Meditation or Reflection is Essential to a Life Well Lived
It seems that – without exception – whole, happy, successful people do some consistent practice to connect with their creative source and clear out mental and emotional junk. Whether the goal of a daily practice is improved creativity, better decision-making, greater health and well-being, a deeper connection with your source, or just feeling good while you do it, the benefits of regular meditation and reflection are so well documented that most of us know we should be doing it, even though we don’t… right?

Here’s the simple truth. If you want to have a regular practice of meditation or reflection but don’t do it, there’s only one reason (and I say this with love): something scary lurks within. As Henry David Thoreau aptly phrased it, “It is easier to sail many thousands of miles through cold and storm and cannibals, in a government ship, with 500 men and boys to assist one, than it is to explore the private sea, the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean of one’s being alone.”

In my experience, when we make a commitment to quiet down and go within, two kinds of fear arise. The first is that our suppressed negative emotions will rise to the surface and cause us pain. The second fear emerges once we’ve become adept at meditation and reflection. It’s that if we continue plumbing our own depths, we’ll lose our identity and everything that supports it.

Here’s one method to conceptualize these two types of fears. Imagine you’re in the desert and you’re drilling a well for cold, fresh artesian water. As you begin to drill, you strike the top permeable layers of sandstone. There’s a lot of dust here. It’s messy. But once you get going, the drill powers through these strata quite easily until it reaches the impermeable surface of shale far below. Here your drill gets stuck. In order to bust through the hard shale, you’ve got to pull the drill back, recommit, and strike the drill through the rock. Once you do, the spring waters naturally pour forth from the well and you’ve got yourself a lifetime supply of cool, fresh drinking water.

The first fear, that of releasing negative suppressed emotions, is like the dusty sandstone. It may seem scary at first but once you allow yourself even a bit of traction, you’ll find that you can quickly power through to the deeper layers of your soul. Be open and curious here. It’s OK to be afraid, but just for a little while, act as through you weren’t. Gradually your fear will disappear and you’ll fully experience the benefits you’re seeking.

The second fear – that of a loss of your identity – will arise once you’ve become adept at meditating and you want to go further in your practice. Facing this fear is the key to making a monumental breakthrough in your life. Here’s the secret: in order to bust through the layers of your psyche to the clear waters of your source, you’ve got to be willing to let go of your current sense of self and all that you’ve invested in it. Intuitively, we know this wonderful source is already there within us. Yet accessing this source is what Marianne Williamson rightly called our greatest fear: “it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”

What do you have invested in your current sense of identity? Just about everything. Your thoughts, beliefs, social status, career, family, history, dreams, friends… you name it. In order to bust through the bedrock, you’ve got to be willing to release your grip on who you think you are and trust that you’re something else entirely. Making this choice takes tremendous courage. I have great admiration for anyone who’s done it and I will support anyone who’s game for it. Once you break through, you’ll realize that the fear was only as big as you made it out to be and the cool refreshing water at your source is so f)&@)@+ delicious, you’ll just want to share it with others. I hope you keep digging!

When we first begin a conscious quest for more self-awareness, we’re usually looking for things to add to our life and knowledge. We want to “add” more peace. Add prosperity. Add a happy relationship. Add more sex, more money, more free time, more adventure, more purpose, more balance, more credentials, etc. Look at all the things we add!

As we grow in wisdom, we realize that adding more is a fruitless quest. It’s never enough. And instead, like Michelangelo, we begin to see our own David hidden within the stone of our false selves. And slowly, surely, we begin to chip away at the stone that doesn’t look like our real self. We realize that true happiness doesn’t come from adding on. It comes from learning to let go of everything we thought we needed to be happy. And when the sculpture is complete, we’re finally free, happy, and at peace.

I’ve given many presentations over the years. I’ve done presentations to raise over $50M in venture capital, to close new sales contracts, and even to teach meditation to kids. I think the hardest part of any presentation is the opening. If you can get that right, then the rest of your talk flows easily. But if you get the opening wrong, you’ll never fully recover. Here’s a simple technique that I’ve found very powerful to start your presentations off on the right foot and to tailor your message to any audience, be they VC sharks or indifferent kids. ☺

To start, you’ll need a partner or a coach. Get together in person or on the phone and brainstorm a list of ten to twenty questions that you think the audience wants answered in your presentation. Put yourself in their shoes. How do they view the world? What problems do they have? What situations and challenges are they currently facing? And, of course, what do they want to get out of your presentation?

It should go without saying that you’ll want to learn about your audience ahead of time. Research the organization online. Get a sense of trends, products, competition, people, strategy, and so on. Speak to an organizational insider. “I’m coming in to give a talk next week. Can you give me a sense for the organizational climate? What would the audience like to hear? What’s currently happening that has an impact on this topic?” All of this information should act as fodder for the brainstorming session with your partner or coach.

Researching your audience and brainstorming with a partner are two sides of the crucial first step that you should never skip – even if you’re presenting to similar kinds of audiences. Even if you think you know the audience down pat, do this step. You’ll be surprised at the new questions you come up with that lead to new perspectives and a new and poignant slant on your talk.

Once you have a fresh list of ten to twenty questions that your audience is likely asking themselves, come up with the top five. Get to five. No more, no less. Write these down on a PowerPoint slide (or a flip chart) and give it the title “The Top 5 Questions We Think You’re Asking.” Insert this slide as the first slide in your deck.

Next, brainstorm with your partner a list of ten to twenty questions about what you want to know. Then whittle this list down to the top 5. Create a new slide and label it “The Top 5 Questions We’d Like to Have Answered.” Put this slide second.

If you’ve done this step, you’re 80% of the way to a great presentation. Here’s how you put it into action. At the start of your presentation, say this verbatim: “Thank you for having me here. To prepare for this presentation, I got together with (name and title of your partner or coach) and we spent twenty minutes trying to put ourselves in your shoes. We came up with a list of the top five questions we think you’re asking. If it’s OK, I’d like to review this list with you and see if these are indeed the questions you’re asking. May I review this list now?”

Then go to your slide and review, one by one, each of the Top 5 Questions. Then, and this is very important, ask for confirmation and additional questions as follows: “So, are these the Top 5 Questions you’re asking? If so, great. If not, what additional questions do you have?” Then listen to those questions and write them down in the room where everyone can see them. Let the audience know whether you will or will not address them.

Starting your presentation this way does two very important things: 1) It lets the audience know that you’re not just coming in to pitch your wares, that you’ve given thought to their particular situation, and that you are going to address their particular questions or concerns. It immediately sets you apart from average presenters who show up with a standard deck, make some pleasantries and, like robots, move through their presentations. 2) It creates a dialogue up front so that you know where your audience really stands and it allows you to tailor your talk to their particular needs. Trust me, knowing that you got the Top 5 Questions all wrong at the start is priceless information. “Oh, you’re not interested in this at all; what you’re really interested in is this. Great. I can talk to that too.” And you’ve just averted disaster.

Once you’ve reviewed the Top 5 Questions, asked for confirmation and written down any additional questions, before you do anything else, go to your second slide (or second page of your flip chart) and say this: “In addition to the Top 5 Questions we thought you were likely asking, we also have the Top 5 Questions we’d like to have answered. May I review those with you now?” Wait for confirmation from the group and then read each of the questions you’d like to know.

Now what usually happens is that the group starts answering your questions without prompting. If this is the case, run with it. You’ll pick up some additional nuggets of information that will further allow you to tailor your presentation. However, if they don’t answer your questions right away, now begin your presentation. But do it in the context of answering their Top 5 Questions and additional questions that emerged. You can get answers to the questions you want answered periodically during your presentation.

At the end, wrap up your presentation by referring back to the Top 5 Questions and any additional questions they were asking: “OK, let’s see how we did. Here were the Top 5 Questions and any additional questions you had. Did we answer each one?” Doing this as a close reconfirms for the audience that you gave them exactly what they asked for. It shows courtesy and respect, while confirming that you were on target. Next, review the Top 5 Questions you wanted answered as well, thanking your audience for their input.

When you walk away you’ll appreciate how valuable this formula is. You will see that, in a few simple steps, you’ve accomplished multiple things: you gave a great presentation tailored to your audience’s needs, you answered all their questions, and you obtained the information you needed.

One final word of caution. After you see how successful this technique is, you will be tempted to cut corners and skip the important first step of research and brainstorming with your partner. If you do this, you’ll miss out on key but subtle differences for each audience and fall short of your potential each time. Guaranteed. It seems like a small thing – but trust me, it makes all the difference.

Here’s to your giving winning presentations. Encore!!

Sharon is 36, separated from her husband and moving through the process of divorce. She’s intelligent, charismatic, and has had a successful career on Madison Avenue. One year ago, she moved to Los Angeles to reinvent herself, create a new career, and restart her life. Although she didn’t have a concrete plan of what she would do for a career in L.A., she leapt with confidence, knowing that things would work out somehow.

But a year later, she’s still under-employed in various part-time jobs. Originally, she thought her transition to a new career would take only a few months, but now, over a year later, she’s starting to feel desperate. She needs money fast. But perhaps even more importantly, she wants to see momentum in the next phase of her life. What should Sharon do to land the perfect new job?

Recently, I’ve coached a number of people looking to find new, inspiring careers. And while each situation is unique, there are nine basic, powerful steps that work for everyone. If you’re ready to find a job that gives you an experience of meaning, purpose, and passion – along with the great paycheck – here are the steps to getting there:

Step 1. Create Some Breathing Room

When you’re navigating a challenging transition like finding the right job, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and even desperate. In those moments, it’s important to remember one thing: before you can create that ideal job, you’ve got to create some breathing room. You will need a little oxygen and perspective to get clear and act from a place of confidence and power.

If money feels tight and this is causing you to panic, for example, find a temporary job to take some of the financial pressure off. In Sharon’s case, she had several part-time jobs. Although they didn’t pay a lot of money, they created enough space for her to feel safe, think clearly, and come up with a plan of action.

It’s also helpful to remember that no matter how bad things may seem, they will always work themselves out. In fact, they usually work out much better than we initially imagine. The bottom line is that you can’t panic your way into where you want to be. So if you’re feeling anxiety or despair, do whatever it takes to lift that burden first, and then plan your next move. Working with a coach is one way to quickly shift your perspective and find more breathing room within your current situation.

Step 2. Align Your Work with Your Heart

Every transition serves an important purpose: to bring your external life closer to your heart’s authentic desire. Sharon wanted not only a “job” – she wanted to be engaged in work that held meaning and purpose, that provided the opportunity to travel, and that allowed her to express her natural talents. She knew she didn’t want to go back to her old career, but she had no idea what her new career should be.

If you’re feeling this way, the solution is to achieve a clear understanding of what I call your “Authentic Profile,” the profile of who you truly are and the life you’re meant to live. Your Authentic Profile reveals your life purpose, your unique talents and genius, your contribution, your core values, and a positive vision of your future. If you’re looking for work (one form of contribution), you will want to make sure it’s aligned with your authentic core. Imagine if you could go to work each day and fulfill your life’s purpose while expressing your natural talents? You’d be a very powerful person, lit up by life.

Taking the time to clarify your Authentic Profile is incredibly important. This clarity guides you in a clear direction aligned with your authentic core. When you listen and choose to follow it, it’s as if the entire flow of life is supporting you – and really good things start to happen. If, on the other hand, you tune it out or fight against that flow, you will naturally feel confusion, anxiety and despair.

So consider you next career move as an opportunity to align your work with your own authentic nature. You can get insight on your Authentic Profile by taking this free 7-day email course: Discover Your Authentic Profile

Step 3. Release Internal Energy Drains

Physics tells us that you (body, mind, soul) are an energetic system and that there is a certain amount of energy available to your system at any given moment. Each day, you use this available energy to meet your internal needs first. Only after your internal needs are met, and if you still have energy available, can you engage in activities (like finding a job) out in the world. (You can learn more about the physics of success here: The Physics of Success)

In Sharon’s case, her internal energy was being consumed in a self-defeating dialogue that sounded something like this: “Oh my god, what am I going to do? I can’t pay my bills. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like what I’m doing. My family is disappointed in me. My ex-husband is ridiculing me. I keep hanging out with the wrong people. I don’t want to go back to my old career! I don’t know what to do for a new career. Should I move back to New York? Damn it, why did I ever leave Madison Avenue? I know why, I hated it! Yes, but now what? I can do a lot of different things but the world wants me to specialize in one thing. I’ve blown it. And the economy is bad to boot. I feel hopeless…angry…ashamed. Aghhhh!” Sharon cycled through this internal dialogue on a pretty regular basis.

This kind of dialogue costs a lot of energy and reinforces confusion, doubt, and fear. Naturally, it also prevents you from seeing the big picture and moving forward with a clear sense of direction. In my coaching practice, I’ve found that helping clients identify and release energy drains is one of the most powerful ways to facilitate an easy alignment with where they want to be. Once they’ve cleared the internal noise, they’re able to find clarity and a new perspective on their situation.

Step 4. Identify What’s Perfect Right Now

When things seem dark and scary, it’s hard to appreciate what is. But by identifying what’s really perfect about your current situation, you gain appreciation and awareness, which lead to more energy and the power to make new choices. While Sharon said she had been looking for a new job for some time, the reality is that she wasn’t ready for it until very recently. Have you ever done that? Said you wanted one thing but acted in a way that didn’t support that? We all do it in varying degrees. When Sharon was able to separate from her financial fear of the future, she’d admit that she was really enjoying her lifestyle. Not being in a full-time job, she had time and freedom to pursue new interests and cultivate relationships. In her “down year” she became a yoga teacher and an avid reader, went on trips to India and Mexico, and even took up painting.

The single greatest thing you can do to improve your life and your job prospects is to accept and appreciate your life exactly as it is. Love and appreciation have incredible power and life brings more of the qualities we appreciate. You also can’t be in a state of fear and worry and feel appreciation at the same time. Appreciation and acceptance have the power to dissolve negative emotions and to make you a very attractive person that other people will naturally want to have around.

In my conversations with Sharon, it became clear that when she chose to leave New York, getting a new job was actually not her priority. What she really wanted was to have plenty of leisure time and the flexibility to pursue her interests. I imagine that making this choice felt scary, so she created safety with the idea that she’d find a new career. When it came down to it, Sharon wasn’t really ready for one. But she did get exactly what she wanted. And it was perfect.

Once Sharon recognized that, in fact, she had manifested exactly what she wanted, she began to feel more confidence in her ability to create a new job, and to shift what was keeping her from it. So if you’re in the process of creating the perfect new career, first ask yourself: “What’s absolutely perfect about what’s in my life right now?” And notice how your energy, joy, and appreciation all increase when you find that perfection. Isn’t that the place you want to be in when you’re choosing your next career?

To sum this step up, there’s great joy and beauty available to you when you choose to see the beautiful, the positive, and the glorious in your life just as it is. By making this a habit, you begin to transform your inner world so that it aligns with your ideal job. Here’s a great appreciation exercise that you can practice tonight: 21 Things I Appreciate About You

Step 5. Get Clear on Your Commitments

Your external life will always match your commitments. In Sharon’s case, you can see that what she was really committed to were time freedom and lifestyle freedom – even if these meant that she would continue to work part-time. She was feeling internal and external stress, and not just about money, but also about what others expected her to do, what she told herself she should do, and what she really wanted to do. This inherent conflict between commitments, demands, and desires needs to be reconciled before you can move into your next career with power and clarity. (To learn more about commitments, demands, and desires, click here: Commitments. Demands. Desires)

In Sharon’s case, she was feeling strong demands from her family to move back to New York, to remarry, and to start having kids. Sharon wanted to stay in L.A. and also keep her time commitments flexible. She didn’t feel comfortable networking because she wasn’t sure about what she wanted and didn’t feel qualified to try anything new. We all tell ourselves stories like this. Notice how when you’re finally committed to something, though, all of the old stories don’t hold much depth? The minute Sharon truly decided to find a new job, she began to reach out to people and ask for help. Her energy shifted. Her language became clearer. All her priorities began to line up.

By the way, there’s no right or wrong answer. There is no law that says that Sharon had to get a new job. It would have been equally valid for Sharon to recognize that she wasn’t truly committed to having a new job and that she valued the time freedom that comes from part-time work. In this case, Sharon would have found greater peace by consciously accepting her commitment to time freedom over income. In your case, you also may have conflicting commitments. Perhaps you want more money along with the flexibility of being with your kids, or you want to afford your current lifestyle but can’t stand your job. There’s no cookie-cutter answer here but the first step is to simply recognize what you’re truly committed to. “I hate my job but I’m more committed to having my home and nice cars.” If you can do that, your life will be a conscious reflection of your decisions, filled with a greater freedom of choice and a greater appreciation of what is.

Step 6. Speak the Clear and Simple Truth

A key part of finding a new job is to tell people that you’re looking for work! Don’t laugh. Most people try to “hide” their job search. For example, if you had asked Sharon “What do you do?,” she would have replied something like “I’m doing consulting work for several companies in the area.” If you had asked her “What did you do before this?,” she would have given you some big, empty words like “I used to be an interactive marketing manager in NY.” These kinds of answers make it very, very hard for others to help you – and trust me, most people do want to help.

The solution is to speak the clear and simple truth and to bring forward aspects of your authentic core into your job search. If someone asks Sharon, “What do you do?” she now replies, “Thanks for asking. I’m actually looking for a new job.” There – isn’t that simple and beautiful? If the other person has any resonance with Sharon, they’ll ask a follow up question like “Oh really, what kind of work are you looking for?” And it’s this question that gives Sharon a chance to speak to her authentic core: “I’m not exactly sure [again, this is honest for Sharon]. In my past, I worked for twelve years with large brands like Toyota, Coca-Cola, and Bose, helping them to bring new products to market. In that capacity, I worked with people from all over the world and excelled at making things happen and orchestrating all the details. I’ve moved to L.A. within the past year and I’m looking for the next thing in my career, not necessarily in advertising. What suggestions do you have for me?”

The key is to speak what’s really true for you, in a way that’s easy for other people to understand and thus help you. Now when you see or think of Sharon, you mental process will sound something like this: “Oh, that’s Sharon. She used to be in advertising in NY and is looking for a new job. Hey, I know that Fred Fergusson is looking for a project manager. I wonder if she’d be a good fit? I’ll make an introduction.”

Step 7. Connect and Contribute

The most important part about finding a new job is to forget about you. Once you’re clear on your authentic core and commitments and can speak your clear and simple truth, get out there and connect with and contribute to the lives of as many people as you can. Most of us are consumed with my-me-mine. When you interact with others, your secret is to flip that and focus on them-them-them. Literally, 10% of your attention should be on you, while 90% should be focused on them. What do they need? How can you help? Who do you know that they should know? When you connect and contribute like this, people will naturally go out of their way to help you too.

The easiest way to contribute to others is to ask: “What’s important to you right now?” and “How can I help you?” Then follow through and actually help them. When the time is right, speak your truth. Let them know what you’re looking for, what you’re inspired by, and what you’re committed to. Ask for their opinion. Ask for their assistance. Be humble enough to receive. Life is not take and give. It’s give and take. So have the power and confidence to put yourself into a giving mode, while also making sure to ask for what you need and to state (out loud) what you’re committed to creating next. If you find yourself feeling resentful towards the person to whom you’re giving, then pause and find a new balance that works for you. (You can learn more about the balance between giving and receiving by reading this article: Why Getting Is Better Than Giving)

Step 8. Say “Yes!” to Whatever is Offered

The universe works in mysterious ways. Your new job doesn’t usually come from a headhunter, your rich CEO friend, or a family member. Instead, it usually comes from out of left field… some serendipitous, seemingly random connection. Often it’s from someone you previously judged or even scorned but learned to accept and appreciate. Here’s a tip, when you meet someone new, find one thing that you can sincerely appreciate about them. It may be something as basic as the sound of their voice, their posture, or an article of clothing. When you’re appreciating, you stop judging and allow life to deliver its gifts. So say “yes” to whomever and whatever comes into your life. That strange-looking woman at the cocktail party? Go talk to her and while doing so, find something to appreciate about her. She’ll have a message for you. That weird-sounding job offer from the not-so-cool-sounding company? Say “yes” and offer to help.

When you sincerely ask for something from life, it will deliver. The only thing in the way is your ego. Your ego wants it to look a certain way, smell a certain way, and to be delivered to you, wrapping and all, just how you always envisioned it. But that’s not how life works. Life delivers whatever you truly ask for, but often in a package you never envisioned. If you follow the signals and allow it to unfold, it will ultimately turn out better than you could have imagined.

Sharon found the perfect example in what initially seemed like an insignificant episode. She was at a coffee shop when a man she had previously bumped into asked her how she was doing. To Sharon, this guy seemed rather strange. He looked a little funny, talked a little funny, and frankly, he gave Sharon the creeps. But she remembered to say “yes” to whatever was in front of her at that moment. They got to talking and he asked her what she was up to. She said, “Funny you should ask, I’m looking for a new job.” And as these things often go, this “strange” man happened to be looking for a project manager for his new medical start-up. After a few more conversations, Sharon accepted an offer. She’s excited because the job pays well, the strange guy turned out to be not so strange (in fact, he’s a great boss), she gets to travel, and she gets to be involved in health and wellness which are key components of her authentic core.

Step 9. Do the Most Important Thing

Do the most important thing each and every day. What’s the most important thing for you? It depends. If you’re searching for a new job, the most important thing you can do every day is to connect with and contribute to others. You won’t find your ideal new job sitting at home and waiting for the phone to ring. Meet, connect, and contribute to others; speak your truth; and find the perfection in your life right now. When you do this, the ideal job will come (often faster than you can imagine) and it will come in unexpected ways and places.

At the same time, after you’ve completed the most important thing, give yourself the freedom to explore. There’s nothing that saps power and clarity more than fruitless worrying. If you’ve done the best for today, that’s enough. Not having a job can be one of the most joyous and liberating periods of your life. Take advantage of it. During your down time, exercise, meditate, read, and do things that make you feel healthy, confident, and powerful. Ultimately, one of the best parts about a new job search is that it will call you to do something different. To break out of old patterns, to meet with surprising people, to go to different places, and to generally try on new behaviors. At first, this process can be uncomfortable. With time, it becomes easier and brings new and wonderful things into your life. Remember: every transition serves a higher purpose, which we often can’t see until we’ve crossed to the other shore. Once there, we can look back and make perfect sense of everything that happened.

To sum this all up, in order to make the leap to the perfect new job, quit freaking out. Take the time to clarify your most authentic truth. Release any internal friction that’s preventing you from being fully alive. Identify your current commitments and see the inherent perfection in your life right now. Make a sincere choice to craft a new commitment or to accept the status quo. Learn to state what you want to create in clear, simple language that’s easy for others to understand and respond to. Then get out there and connect and contribute to others as your primary focus. Rather than judging others and situations as bad or wrong, practice accepting and appreciating what is. Do the most important thing each and every day and you’ll soon find yourself in the perfect new job – or anything else that you want to create. Finally, we all need support and if you’re sincerely ready to make a change, work with a coach to support your achievements. Good luck!

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